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Clark
To sum up this nigger in a few words, Clark is sad, clenched, pathetic and depressing. He moved out to Arizona centuries ago so we rarely see him in person anymore. I can't think of very many good things to give him a litle buffer before I shit on him, but I guess if I had to say anything about him, it's his naïve sense of bliss and ability to just take shit. He usually just kinda goes along with our shit most of the time and never really bitches about much, except for when it comes to an opinion he read a wikipedia article about. Clark and the first ass-clench Clark was a lot cooler before 10th grade. Like, before 10th grade happened, he was just a normal dude who played video games and had a nice house and he just kinda tagged along with Hunter and he was just a cool dude. But then Cat happened. So after 10th grade started, this girl named Cat joined our group, and I dated her for all of about ten minutes before I got my ass outta that shit. But then, Clark kinda landed on her like a harpie, and because she was a maymay tumblr gurl, they just sorta formed this awkward and sad relationship that went on for a few months. And he was sorta ok during this period, it just seemed like a lot of the time, Cat's edginess stuck to Clark and he was a little annoying for a while, but no one really cared cuz it wasn't all that bad. But holy shit. Crawling in my Skin Imagine an emo-core band from the white suburbs. That was Clark after Cat broke up with him. The kid's like 16, so he became like the edgiest little piece of shit you've ever met. For the longest time, he wouldn't shut the fuck up about "finding his soul mate" and how he had a "black soul" and I'm sure he thought his writing was the shit too. It was just kinda sad. For a little bit of time he talked about smoking weed and we just kinda laughed and told him he was stupid cuz it was probably the most retarded thing that any of us had ever said. There was also this one girl that he tried to creep on but whatever. We were also afraid he was gonna harpy on Keely too. It was a pretty retarded time, and what replaced it is more tolerable, but really isn't any less retarded. You just don't understand So after that whole emo-core phase was over, he found this girl while he was in a homestuck RP (Yeah I'm not fucking shitting you. Like, I'm dead serious. A homestuck RP. He's real proud of it, too.), and started talking to her or something and suddenly they were in a relationship. Now, an internet relationship is one thing (Even though one of mine sort of ended on a shit tone but whatever), but this fucker takes it to a whole new level of ass-clench. He texts this girl non-stop. Like, every second of every day, he's staring at his phone. And whenever we give him shit about it, he goes into that condescending "uh, you just don't understand" tone of voice that just makes it worse. I really don't know the girl all that well, cuz I've never talked to her and I can't form any opinions about her, but if I had to imagine the type of girl she is, I'd have to say she's a weird-ass motherfucker if she has the patience to deal with this piece of shit 24/7. Where is he today? Well basically that girl broke up with the sad fuck, and 80 years later he found this girl named Katrina (or however the shit you spell it, God knows there's like 69 different variants of that name) and she shook his hand for three seconds so he bought her $5,000 worth of razer products. He brought her over to California once and all she did was frown and smoke for all the 3 hours I was with her, then bitched to Clark later about how we were all annoying or something. Like I'm sitting here trying to convey to you how much of a cunt she actually was but tbh I'm at a loss. Then as you can imagine she broke up with him after sucking him dry like a prune. As I write this he has a new internet girlfriend named Jessica or something. I called her a thot and he was like "Don't call Jess a thot, Don" and he get's REALLY defensive of her at the slightest provocation. I hope the poor guy sorts himself out one day.